The NFL Draft for Lions Fans

Editor’s note: I realize that there may no longer exist ‘Detroit Lions fans.’

The central point of the NFL draft is to improve your team.  Remarkably, not so for the Lions brass.  They (the Detroit Lions ‘management’) use the draft as a small opportunity to celebrate the greatest time of the year for them.

The absolute pinnacle of the entire year is upon them from the time when the commissioner says, ‘The Detroit Lions are on the clock,’ until he says, ‘with their selection, the Detroit Lions draft, from…’

I estimate that time frame to be no longer than 10 minutes.  Just long enough for them to pop the cork, pour a few glasses of champagne, make a toast, and then decide which young man’s football career they are going to ruin.

Coincidentally, when the Lions draft, it is also a great time for the teams drafting before and after them.  Their predecessors will always have their selection look great in comparison.  Those following the Lions also begin to celebrate when Detroit is on the clock because it is a certainty that the Lions will never ’steal’ the player they were hoping to obtain.

Now, while Millen’s Mess Makers are lighting cigars, Lions fans are glued to their TV sets – foolishly.  They are listening to ESPN commentators review the last pick and forecast Detroits’ pending debacle.  For anyone who has never met a Lions’ fan, they will be the ones muttering ‘Not another wide receiver!’ with equal encouragement and uncertainty.

Editor’s note 2: After the winter that we’ve just endured, if you are voluntarily indoors on a Saturday afternoon watching old men talk about young physically fit men, you have big problems.

Why is that pre-draft time period the high point of the ‘Lions management’s’ season? Simple.  During that duration, the team has not lost a fumble, a game, or (most importantly) a disgusted season – ticket holder (yes, there are still some).  They are immune from the criticism that fans and media will pile on.  Optimism is in the air.  Could another Barry Sanders land in their lap?

Here’s where that important 10 minutes come in to play for everyone else.  You can use that time frame to do something minuscule, yet productive.  Pour Drano down a clogged pipe.  Take out trash.  Go through your kids drawers to make sure that they aren’t doing drugs.  Whatever.  The point being that your good efforts will offset the unintentional bad efforts of Henry Ford’s descendants, and thereby making you feel good about how you spent your Saturday afternoon.

Furthermore, you’ll feel good because you won’t have a hangover from drinking the kool-aid, uh, champagne.

 

Round 2 NHL Picks:

Detroit over Colorado in 5

Dallas over San Jose in 6

The Montreal Vandalism Causers lose in 7.

The Rangers advance in 7.