Ah, April

A final few words about the Toronto Marlies NHL affiliate. With the exception of Vesa Toskala (he himself not too long removed from being a back-up in the superior western conference), the pros are 90% replaceable. Other NHL captains grew up with posters of Wayne Gretzky and Bobby Orr on their walls. I suspect that the Leafs’ current ‘C’ has a poster of Jesper Parnevik. The youth in their line-up merely gobbles minutes and has yet to show that it possesses even one individual with one distinguishable, invaluable skill. The defence corps ranges from ‘injured’ to ‘porous.’ The forwards? They did themselves a favour by taking ‘08 off so as not to qualify for the post-season.

I mean, imagine what Cliff Fletcher was thinking right after the Maple Leafs hired him to be their Mr. Fix It GM. He was given a second chance to make a big difference to Toronto’s most historic team. He probably thought he was the cavalry – I mean, he arrived from Phoenix, which is in the desert after all. Then no one waived their no trade clause. And they didn’t make the play-offs. And they are drafting seventh. Fletcher must have felt like Ellis from Die Hard right after he walked into Hans Gruber’s office. One minute, you’re the hero riding in on a white horse, the next minute you’re yelling into a walkie-talkie while everyone is waiting for your, um, contract to expire.

Heading in to the NHL play-offs, one of the big stories was whether or not rookie Carey Price will be able to help the Habs win the Stanley Cup. Another storyline focused on how much momentum will carry over to the post season for the Washington Capitals. Well, imagine if those Capitals go to the Stanley Cup final, or win it? Suddenly the stories become, ‘Why did Bob Gainey let Cristobel Huet leave?’ and ‘Imagine if Toronto had hired Bruce Boudreau to coach?’ It wasn’t as if he was an unknown to the Maple Leafs. Boudreau was a Toronto Marlie in 1977.

I think that it is safe to say that the notion that a (semi) retired star can return to a team with a fraction of the season remaining and help them (significantly) in the post season is wrong. Roger Clemens and now the duo in Anaheim (Neidermayer and Selanne) along with Peter Forsberg are all evidence of that. Barry Bonds buyers beware.

Carlos Boozer wears number 5. Chris Bosh wears 4. Caron Butler 3. And Chauncey Billups 1. Is there a ‘Team CB #?’ or is Bosh the only one who calls himself by his initials and number? I don’t think George Blaha calls Billups ‘CB1.’ The only missing number is 2. The closest one I could think of was Corey Brewer, 22.

Maybe Orlando isn’t the only magical kingdom in Florida. Both the Heat and Lightning have recently won a championship, retained their stars and head coach, and finished an abysmal season. Now they will get an excellent young draft selection and not a hint of the Canadian winter. That works out nicely.

Congratulations on 1000 shows Jimmy Kimmel. You’ve come a long way from playing ‘Client in Commercial’ in 2002’s Like Mike, to late night talk show success

I recently saw a preview of a Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino movie called Righteous Kill. Throughout the trailer, it used the Rolling Stones song, Sympathy for the Devil . Am I correct in that 10 years ago, another Al Pacino movie, The Devil’s Advocate, used that same song? Either way, the film looks good. Even if it sounds a bit sympathetic.

And staying on that theme, remember 1996’s Trainspotting? Well, over a decade later and Disney is using ‘Lust for Life,’ a prominent song on that film’s soundtrack, to promo its cruise lines. What could be less Disney than a dirty Scottish toilet, heroine use, and Iggy Pop? Plus, Jim Rome’s radio show uses that tune for its opening. Rome is on ESPN radio, which is owned by ABC, which is owned by Disney. Rome’s demographic is 18 to 40 year-old males. So this music tie-in sets up an interesting scenario. Guys fantasize about grabbing a bandanna, and drinking 87 cent Mexican beers while playing cards in hut off a beach in Equador, but their wives are packing golf shirts and buying plane tickets to Orlando.

Any young fathers out there? Get yourself an NBA wristband. Nothing works better to wipe the corners of your kids mouth with so little hassle.

So, we can pretty much draw a perfect parallel between Britney Spears and this year’s Ottawa Senators. The Sens began with a record setting start. Then they churned out a regular season that was fine, but replete with warning signs galore. The post season has been a punchline. The off season is filled with so many ‘What ifs’ that I wouldn’t blame anyone (media, coaches, players, fans) if they just backed away quietly.

Montreal is joining the MLS. They are calling the new soccer team, Montreal FC. Shouldn’t it be CF Montreal because of the way that the French make everything backwards? Insert accent anywhere. Personally, I think Vancouver should field a team and call themselves the Vancouver Manouver.

More football…the upcoming April 26th draft presents an annual fascinating moment for one team – the Detroit Lions. In the moment before the Lions draft, they enjoy the best time of their year. At this time, they have not lost a fumble, a game or a season. They temporarily hault criticism. Optimism abounds. Before they say a name, they haven’t ruined a young man’s pro career, or given fans and observers ammunition. It is a brief, but enjoyable moment for the Lions brass. The entire year is not as nice for the Lions for the time between when the host says, ‘Detroit is on the clock,’ to when he says, ‘With their selection, Detroit takes…’ I bet the champagne is already on ice.

Already missing college basketball? Here’s a nice reminder