Here’s Not The Winning Bracket

I love March Madness for many reasons.  One of them is that because of this tournament, millions of people will be doing the same thing – the exact same thing – at 11:45am.  They won’t be considering what to have for lunch, no, they will mutter, ‘Notre Dame or George Mason? Holy Lady vs Founding Father, hmm, was George Mason a Founding Father? Uh, Notre Dame.’  Gadzooks.

I don’t have a 1 through 4 seed losing in the opening draw, so I will gloss over those games and try to be funny/insightful.  Hopefully I will meet with more success than the time I was doing improv comedy and an audience member suggested I do a scene about ‘Osama Bin Laden.’  Try making with the laughs doing that scene on Sept. 12, 2001.

Round 1 – The East Quadrant

Arkansas over Indiana.  The Razorbacks maintain the grand tradition of yelling ‘Pig, Haaaaaaa, Sooooooey!’ for their team.  Indiana maintains the grand tradition of  recruiting violations.  Plus they are brutal.

Notre Dame over Geo Mason.  I hope that by picking ND, they lose.  I allow myself one mistake a year per sheet.

Oklahoma over St. Josephs.  What? I’m going against a Catholic school during holy week? I’m baptist.  I imagine many Sooners were.  Wait, what’s a ’sooner?’

Butler over South Alabama.  Who beat South Alabama? The Butler did it!

The Midwest Vector

UNLV over Kent St.  Three to five years ago I woulda taken the Golden Flashes in a heartbeat.  No longer.  I just checked, St. Joe’s plays on Good Friday, uh oh.

Clemson over Villanova.  Yup.

Vanderbilt over Siena.  I went to Letterman and Sienna Miller was on the show.  Vanderbilt would lose if Reggie Miller was playing against them, but as it stands, Siena, like Sienna should not be making movies or winning basketball games.

USC over Kansas St.  I believe that this is the point where fans stop getting excited over USC football and start getting excited about USC basketball.  This is also the point where fans continue ignoring Kansas St.

Wisconsin beats CS Fullerton.  CS Fullerton sounds like the name of a 70’s actor who wore loafers and loads of cologne.  Yes, I know that Wisconsin is a 3 seed, I just hate CS FU.

Gonzaga over Davidson.  As I was looking up ‘Sooner’ in the dictionary, I realized that the definition should probably be something like ‘quicker than expected…’  Instead it is ’someone who settles on government property to give themselves a decided advantage.’  Basically it means ‘Ottawa.’

South Sector

Mississippi St. over Oregon.  Oregon will be shattered by the news that Terrell Pryor decided to attend school elsewhere.

Michigan St..

Marquette beats Kentucky.  No, wait, they don’t. KU baby!

Miami over St. Mary’s.  I am very uncomfortable with this pick.  Tip-off is an hour after Good Friday mass.  I’ve never liked Miami’s logo though.  They are the Hurricanes, and yet a pelican adorns their paraphenalia.  Why?

West Realm

Texas A&M over BYU.  BYU-Boys, You’re Underachieving.

Western Kentucky over Drake.  Drake sounds like the name of a butler.  If Drake was smart, he’d go by the name ‘Butler.’

Baylor clobbers Purdue.  I don’t like the Big 10 this year.  I’ve always hated Purdue since Glenn Robinson and Conzo Martin played for ‘em.

Xavier.  I have them beating Duke in the next round!

Good luck.

 Finally, NHL contracts are inching back towards ridiculous, the Red Wings and Devils are atop the conferences, Buffalo will finish 7th, 8th, or 9th, and Ottawa/Philly are having goaltending problems.  Good thing we had that lockout to totally shake up the league.

This 15 year contract is working out for the Islanders, eh?

Wow, are the Miami Heat deplorable.  On the other hand, it is great to have Canadian Joel Anthony developing.  He and Samuel Dalembert will help Team Canada in Greece next summer!